The Winding Road Ahead

So many questions, Lord

So many fears

As my anxiety wells

I hear Your Word in my ear,

"Child, this road I've paved for you...

These mountains I've formed.

My plans are for your good.

Walk in them and you'll be transformed.

You will walk this road, child, these mountains you'll climb.

You must remember I'll be here with you all the time.

Walk this road with Me, child, with every step trust in Me.

You can let go of your fears and watch Me take the lead."

I wrote that poem during a time of huge transition for our family.  We had moved away from all that was home to us..........moved halfway across the country without much of a plan as to what we would do.  We were in a time of transition.

Living with my Mother-in-law.

She was so gracious......it was so humbling.

Trying to acclimate to this strange and beautiful new state of NC where I found myself in awe of the mountain against the horizon one minute and the next hearing myself saying to my six year old daughter, "Honey, don't get too close to that snake."

Everything was new.

Nothing was certain.

I was afraid.  I felt forgotten by God. 

Have you ever felt that way?  Most of us don't want to admit it when those thoughts creep into our heads and attempt to take root in our hearts.

I have found that it is in those times when God allows us to be stripped bear of all the THINGS onto which we hold so tightly and to which we attach so much (false) hope that is when His voice is most clearly heard. 

He tenderly binds the wounds our self sufficiency has inflicted.  Allows us to be quiet at His feet.  And then He speaks true hope into our souls once again. 

He is always faithful. 

He always woos us back to His side though we stray and are so easily enthralled--sometimes by the very blessings He places in our lives. 

May we never allow His blessings to become our idols.

May we always trust Him though we cannot see beyond the curve in that winding road ahead.

So Long Speed-Dating!

"Didn't you think about the fact that I was coming too?  Where is my chair?" I inquired in my most controlled yet incredibly annoyed voice.  It seemed that even though it was only 11:30am, I had allowed the events of this past Saturday to sour my attitude.  Due to work issues, I had arrived 20 minutes late to my daughter's soccer game.

My husband just answered matter-of-factly, "You can have my chair. I have to leave."  And then he was off--taking our son to his warm up for his football game.  It wasn't until I got home from our crazy busy Saturday that I realized I hadn't had a meaningful, loving, and purposeful conversation with my husband in quite some time.  

Our lives had turned into chaos management.  We have become experts at texting and quick "can-you-bring-a-gallon-of-milk-home-with-you" type conversations.  Sure, we would often sprinkle in "I love you's" and other such sentiments, but the days of true knowing had vanished faster than my hubby did after I snapped at him.

Then we went to church yesterday and this realization took on a much deeper meaning for me.  I realized that my relationship with my Heavenly Father had become an on-the-go relationship as well.  Our pastor made the comment that in our society "We try to speed-date God."  

 Wow!  Just like in that scene from the movie, "Hitch" when a group of singles sat there at tables in a large room and had quick 2 minute surface conversations with strangers until the bell rang and it was off to the next one.......How often do we have quick 2 minute conversations with our God who, many times if we were honest feels a bit like a stranger as well, until the "bell" rings and we are off to the next pressing issue in our lives?

Have we filled our lives with so many "things" that we no longer have time to actually dedicate to simply sitting at His feet? Are we no longer comfortable with talking with Him for any real length of time?  Do we fear the vulnerability that comes from being face to face with our Savior? 

I know for me, I justified my haphazard, on-the-go relationship with my Lord by using the "Pray without ceasing." verse.  I would pray all day long while I was driving, schooling, working.  Yes, we are instructed to be in an attitude of prayer throughout our day, but I wonder why many of us (including me) aren't willing to give more. 

The closeness of my marriage will not survive with quick texts and surface conversations.  If we continue with this busy pace, we will start to feel like we no longer really know each other.  You can't trust someone you don't know.

Likewise, my relationship with my Heavenly Father will not be a close one if I am not willing to give Him my t i m e. 

Dedicated time.......to really get to know him. 

I can't truly trust my God if I don't really know Him intimately.

So this week I am seeking to make     t i m e    for my most important relationships--the one with my Bride Groom and my earthly groom. 

So long Speed Dating!

Too Much of a "Good" Thing.............

When I started this blog, my goal was to write about things that would encourage others.  I hoped to post all the great ideas I had related to homeschooling (I must admit...somewhat selfishly as a means of holding myself accountable and on track).  I also hoped to share any spiritual insight or growth I experienced so that my entries would be edifying and help others to grow in the Lord.

The danger with that lofty goal is that I could easily end up with a collection of blog entries that make it appear that I have it "all together"  In fact, that was the exact quote that my sister emailed to me after reading my "Why I Homeschool" post.  The last thing I want is a blog that is full of great ideas and insights, but that in any way puts its author on a pedestal. 

I admit, I've read blogs that do just that......I read them because they have great ideas and gorgeous pictures of perfectly organized homeschool bookshelves, impeccably dressed kiddos who are involved in so many worthy activities (not watching Spongebob like mine were earlier today).  The trade off is that I often walk away with great ideas, but feeling deflated because I must be missing the mark.

So why the picture of the empty box of Snack Well's Devil's Food "FAT FREE" cookies??  Because this was one of the many battles lost today.  There I was, standing in the kitchen with the last (of twelve mind you) delectable cookie in my hand, poised to take one of the final bites......and my daughter walks up and asks me if she can have it.  I want you to know that I struggled for a moment and didn't want to give it to her! For SHAME!  Never mind the fact that I had already had the other 11 (not all in one sitting....but definitely in one day....I ate them in little "families of 4"....just like they are situated in the package).

If you're anything like me...and you're honest with yourself....you are morbidly encouraged by the realization that people whom you thought had it all together don't.  Is that really so wrong?  I don't think so.  The truth is that so many of us women beat ourselves up about our failures and completely forget about all the victories. 

The Enemy wants us right there....wallowing in our self defeat.  In order to soothe our defeated feelings, we turn to so many counterfeit cures.  Some put on a facade to the world that we have all the answers.  We tell ourselves that others depend on our "wisdom" so we'd better not let them know about the piles of laundry.....the cluttered pantry......the empty box of Snack Well's Devil's Food Fat Free Cookies!

I treasure my relationships with others where I can be real and take off the mask.  I can admit my weaknesses and failures and accept those of others.  It is my prayer that anyone reading this.....(by the way...the jury is still out on whether or not anyone even IS reading this......but that's OK...I know God wants me to write it) will seek to know Him more purely and intimately and in that vulnerability that only comes from time spent at His feet, she will then be strong enough to be comfortable letting her weaknesses show to others.  In our weaknesses, He is made strong.. 

2 Corinthians 12:9 says "...My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

So I am boasting in my weakness for Snack Well's Devil's Food Fat Free Cookies!  Not because I think it's OK to eat a whole box in one day and almost deprive my child of that last one, but because it reminds me of how weak I really am.  It reminds me of my intense need of Him in ALL areas of my life.  It reminds me that I don't need "Devil's food" to feed my soul.....but I need the Living Water and the Word of God to satisfy me.

Mid Life Crisis......or Mid Life CHRIST-Follower?

I don't know when it hit me.......Maybe it was.....
--When I got the invitation this past June to my TWENTY year high school reunion 
--When I realized that I was the OLDEST person at work (out of 30+ people)
--When the guy who led my zipline tour told me he was born in 1991 (when I was in COLLEGE)

At any rate, I must confess that I never used to understand people making such a big deal about getting older.  I have realized lately that it really has been bothering me.  So this led me to ask myself WHY.  Why am I so hung up about getting older and reaching that "brick wall" (aka....40)?

I am very happily married and am loving being a Mamma bear to my kiddos.  I love where I live and love my job....so it can't be due to any "unaccomplished dreams or what ifs"  I realized that, if I'm honest......really honest with  myself (which unfortunately doesn't happen very often----all too often life crowds out such tedious inward reflections) it is because I love this life a little too  much. 

I have been very convicted lately about this.  As Christians, this world is not our home.  This life is not to be lived for our glory -- our accomplishments--our satisfaction.  Am I really living this life for God's glory?  Do my decisions and how I daily spend my time really reflect that I am a Christ-Follower?  Or have I been living as a Kate-Follower?

Oh Lord, please help me live wholeheartedly for YOU and YOUR glory--not my own.  Please help me to realize that every wrinkle, every year, every gray hair is only evidence of the fact that I'm mortal......that this life is fleeting......that you have me here NOW at this age for a reason.  There is more value in that than in any vain treasure of youth.

Carefree!

Do you remember when all it took to right your world was a good swing with a good strong push to get you going?




I was reminded of this when my daughter asked me to just give her one good push and she could take care of the rest.

What fun she had that day! She was so engrossed in her utter enjoyment that she was blissfully unaware of my tedious attempts to get just the right shot.

It was such a beautiful sight watching how carefree she was that it got me thinking about how long it's been since I've felt that way. It had me reminiscing about the quintessential childhood memories that have become hallmarks of the happy parts of my childhood. Some things that I remember but haven't given voice or true thought to probably since the early 80's are...

• sitting in the hollow of an old willow tree at Grandma's cottage looking out at the lake

• hanging old towels out to dry on a clothesline that she hung just for me

• hunting for night crawlers and putting them on a hook to fish for blue gill

• riding my bike with the banana seat and practicing the whole "no hands" trick

• the sound of the squeaky screen door off the porch at Grandma's lakeside cottage

• helping Great Grandma "Nanny" bake her pecan rolls

• Thanksgiving time--when there was no work--just eating

• Schoolhouse Rock on Saturday mornings!

• laughing and laughing with my 8 brothers and sisters

• our parents trying to outsmart us by suggesting a "quiet contest"

• making clover chain "jewelry"

• swinging so high without a care in the world--even if for just a moment

The real question is... can we still capture that carefree spirit and live it out as we kiss those boo boos, scrub the grates on the stove, be patient and loving to our husbands, and sit down to that ever growing stack of bills?

Of course the answer is yes! When I watch my daughter, her carefree spirit is born out of a trust in me. She knows that I will be there if she needs an extra push. I'll be there to slow her down if she starts to go too high. I'll be there to straighten her out if she starts to veer off onto a dangerous and crooked path. And finally, I would never have allowed her to be on this "ride" or this swing if I hadn't first inspected it and deemed it safe for her adventures.

It's the same with our Heavenly Father. He loves us so much more than we even love our children. He would not allow us to be walking the path that we're on if He had not already ordained it for us. He is always there to push us into obedience or selflessness, gently chiding us when necessary. He is always there to make our paths straight as we trust in Him with all our hearts and lean not on our own understanding of our current circumstances (Proverbs 3:5-6). He is always there to slow us down as we get to out of control and too busy with the unimportant. He is there to gently remind us to be still and know that He is God (Psalm 46:10).

We are all in different seasons of our lives right now. Some of us are so busy we have a hard time even taking the time to remember what it felt to be truly carefree in spirit. Some of us are going through such intense heartbreak and fear that we don't know if we'll ever see a day when our lives would ever be defined by such a frivolous word. Some are experiencing a season of loneliness. Whatever the season--it's all for a reason! A divine reason purposed for us by a loving and CARING God. He cares so much for us that He wants us to cast all of our cares on Him (I Peter 5:7) so that we, like my daughter, Lily, can truly be CAREFREE.

"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11